god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
