If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
