I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
