Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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