Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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