Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
