In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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