I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
