btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
