just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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