Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
