Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I could make wine with my vomit
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
