We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
