I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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