Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
