she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
