All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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