No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
