Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
