If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
