OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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