i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
