you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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