so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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