just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We had sex on a dog bed..
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
