i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
