Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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