I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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