Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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