My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
