Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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