just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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