Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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