Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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