So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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