how can u be prego again
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I fill condoms, not promises.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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