Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
