well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
