Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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