Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how can u be prego again
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
