She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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