Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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