i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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