oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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