Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
