Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
