She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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