So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
