dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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