I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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