just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
