ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
