I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
40s are totally the cure
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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