What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
