why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
